Flying with an 18 month old AKA the Flight from Hell

The one and only cute moment of our journey

So I don’t know if I jinxed myself by being so worried about flying with my toddlers, or if it was just always destined to be an horrendous experience. As it turns out, I was completely justified in my pre-flight concern because the entire journey was a freaking NIGHTMARE!

The Curse of the Upper Lip Tie

When Little Miss was born 3 years ago, she refused to take my breast for the first 24 hours, and was fed my colostrum through a syringe. It was a pretty worrying time for me, wondering if she’d ever be able to breastfeed. After a day she seemed to get the hang of it and would latch on, but really, our first few weeks of breastfeeding were pretty awful. She’d scream and turn her head away whenever I offered the breast, and it would take a lot of persistence on my part to actually get her attached. Once on, she fed pretty well, so we (me, Mr McD and all the Dr’s and nurses we saw in those first weeks) all put it down to her being born 3 weeks early, and still a little immature. After the first 2 weeks or so we found our groove and things got much easier; we ended up having a wonderful breastfeeding relationship until she self-weaned at 16 months (by which time I was 4 months pregnant with the Stuntman).

When the Stuntman came along, I was prepared for a similar initial breast refusal, but in fact he wriggled and maneuvered his way up my chest like a newly hatched baby turtle, and attached himself to my boob less than 5 minutes after he came out. It was the most beautiful moment, and I remember crying and exclaiming “he’s doing it, he’s doing it!!” to Mr McD and my mum in the birthing suite, so excited was I that it seemed that he had this breastfeeding business under control.

The Stuntman, 1 day old

A few hours and several feeds later, I noticed my nipples were shaped like lipsticks with a weird line down the centre. It didn’t hurt though, so I wasn’t too concerned about it. I got the hospital’s Lactation Consultant to assess our latch, as well as a couple of midwives, and they all said it looked fine, and that if it didn’t hurt, I shouldn’t worry. The Stuntman was checked over by the hospital Paediatrician, given the all clear, and we were sent on our way home after one night’s stay.

The next few days and nights turned into a blur of excruciating nipple pain, endless puddles of vomit, and some serious sleep deprivation. The Stuntman was wanting to feed every 1.5 hours round the clock, and then vomiting most of it up before falling asleep for less than an hour, then repeating the whole cycle again. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and the poor little Stuntman just wasn't happy. It’s safe to say I was not having a very good time, and I’m pretty sure it was only my Placenta capsules that kept me from going over the edge.

I’d been seeing a lovely lady, Jo, throughout my pregnancy for some wonderful reflexology and massage (to deal with SPD), and she offered me a post-natal treatment as well, to get things back in alignment and re-balance my hormones. To my great fortune, she was also a very experienced counsellor with the Australian Breastfeeding Association, and offered to have a look at what was going on for us. After 2 minutes of watching the Stuntman feeding, she did a quick check and told me that she thought he had an upper lip tie, and potentially a tongue tie as well. The Stuntman at this point was about 10 days old, and had been assessed by 2 different paediatricians, my GP, several midwives at the hospital, the home visiting midwife, and a nurse at the Early Childhood clinic. No one had even mentioned a lip or tongue tie, and all had just told me to ‘work on our latch’ to improve the situation. As a second time mum, it was just assumed that I knew what I was doing and could work it out.

Within an hour of seeing Jo, I had an appointment for the Stuntman with a wonderful husband and wife team in Sydney who specialise in lip and tongue ties in babies. The Stuntman was diagnosed as having a Class IV upper lip tie as well as a posterior tongue tie. An upper lip tie is where the piece of skin under a baby’s top lip (‘maxillary labial frenulum’) is attached too tightly to the gum, and looks like this:

A Class IV upper lip tie. Photo courtesy of Dr Lawrence Kotlow

A Class IV upper lip tie means that the labial frenulum extends down between where the two front teeth will come in, and wraps around and attaches to the hard palette underneath.

We had both ties snipped then and there. It was a quick procedure performed by a surgeon (the Lactation Consultant’s husband), and, while I can’t say it was painless for the Stuntman, I think the worst part of it for him was being tightly wrapped and held down on the table while it was happening. There was some blood and some screaming, but I think I was in worse shape than him!

As soon as the procedure was performed, I was encouraged to pop him straight on the breast. Apparently breast milk acts as an analgesic and can also stop bleeding. The difference I felt on that first post-snip feed was amazing; there was still some pain as my nipples were in really bad shape, but it was only ‘surface pain’, and not the excruciating agony I had been experiencing up until that point. He had the longest feed he’d ever had, and actually fell asleep on the boob – something he had never done before. The consultant explained that he’d had to work so hard to feed before the snip, that he’d probably never quite gotten to that milk drunk stage. 

Milk drunk, at last!

We had to do some lip-stretching exercises over the next few weeks to make sure that the frenulum didn’t heal back onto the gum line, but that was it. This simple procedure actually changed mine and the Stuntman’s lives; without it I really doubt I could have continued breastfeeding (and certainly not still be going strong 18 months later!).

If you have any suspicion or worry that your baby might have an upper lip or tongue tie, I urge you to go and see a qualified Lactation Consultant for an assessment. Early correction can make a huge difference.

Some of the signs that a baby may have a tongue or lip tie that is interfering with breastfeeding include:

• nipple pain and damage
• the nipple looks flattened after breastfeeding ('lipstick' shaped)
• you can see a compression/stripe mark on the nipple at the end of a breastfeed
• the baby keeps losing suction while feeding and sucks in air
• the baby makes a clicking sound when feeding
• the baby fails to gain weight
• the baby cannot poke his tongue out beyond his gum or lips
• his tongue cannot move sideways
• the tip of his tongue may be notched or heart-shaped when he cries
• he may readily gag
• the tip of the tongue may look flat or square instead of pointed.

 (Source: Australian Breastfeeding Association)

I now realise that Little Miss also suffers from an upper lip tie, and that this was most likely the cause of our early breastfeeding issues. She also now has a small gap between her front teeth, and is unable to say the letters ‘f’ or ‘v’. She actually can’t move her top lip up off her front teeth enough to be able to touch her front teeth to her bottom lip (which is how you say ‘f’ and ‘v’). So it looks like we may have to get hers corrected too, but, at her age, the procedure is going to be much more of a big deal. A paediatric dentist will perform it, most likely using a laser to cut the frenulum. I’m somewhat reluctant to move forward with this, but I know I should do it sooner rather than later, or speech therapy might be required for her as well.

I wish I could say that this simple procedure put an end to all of our troubles, but unfortunately we then had to contend with milk over supply (due to the constant feeding), and a long road to discovering that his sleeplessness, fussiness and excessive vomiting was in fact due to a cow’s milk and soy protein intolerance (CMPI / MSPI) (Read my post How we came to be dairy and soy free for more background). 

Here are some great links for further reading about tongue and lip ties.

Mommypotamous has an awesome step-by-stepguide on how to identify a tongue or lip tie.

Dr Lawrence Kotlow is a world-renowned expert on lip and tongue ties (USA) and produced this Fact Sheet for new parents.

The Australian Breastfeeding Association has some great info on tongue and lip ties.

Personally, I’m almost convinced that there is some kind of link between a tongue and/or lip tie and CMPI / MSPI. So many mums of CMPI babies that I’ve spoken with have also discovered that their little one has a tie –too many to be a coincidence in my opinion! 

What about you - does your baby have CMPI and a lip/tongue tie? 
Leave a comment below!

The week that was - the Stuntman's first week at Kindy

It was ‘ back to school’ week for my littlies this week, with the Stuntman heading off to the same daycare as Little Miss for the first time. He’s been cared for by family members on a regular basis for most of last year while I worked, but he’s never gone to a big daycare centre before, so it’s been a big week for everyone. 

A bright and cheerful kindy room :)

I’ve been experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions all week at the thought of my darling baby boy heading out into the big bad world without me. I called the kindy several times a day to check in on him, and would tear up and have to run to the bathroom at work whenever I thought of his sweet little face searching the room for me. Oh gawd, now I’m tearing up writing this!

During one check-in phone call his carer told me that whenever Little Miss came into the toddler room (she’s in the pre-school room), the Stuntman would grab hold of her and give her a big squeezy cuddle, not wanting to let her go. The carers would have to eventually prise them apart to go to their separate rooms. I’m sure the daycare teacher thought I’d be happy to hear that story, but it actually sent me back to the bathroom for another weep. I’m a sook, I know.

He’s made a surprisingly good transition to the centre, playing nicely with the other kids, going down for a sleep without much protesting, and only a few teary episodes throughout the day (probably less than me if I’m being honest!). Due to his food intolerances, the kindy provides a special allergy-friendly meal for his lunch, but so far he hasn’t been willing to try it, so I’ve been sending along a sandwich for him (on his special soy-flour-free bread) so that at least he’s eating something. Hopefully next week when he’s feeling a bit more secure he’ll be willing to try the prepared meals.

While he’s been pretty much fine at the kindy, at home he’s been a clingy little monster; screeching to be picked up whenever I’m around, wanting boobies all the time, and waking up screaming several times a night. These are all pretty classic separation anxiety signs I guess, which is not really surprising. I’ve been trying to be as patient with him as I possibly can be, but what with the lack of sleep, the constant whingeing, and the aching back from lugging him around everywhere, I’ve been a bit of a grumpy mum this week.

Due to our work schedules, I generally do the kindy drop-off, and Mr McD does the pick-up.  I’ve been feeling like I’ve been missing out on the fun part, but today I got to do both ends of the day, and to tell you the truth, the pick-up wasn’t all I’d imagined it to be! I had a mental picture of both kids running towards me, arms outstretched, so excited to see their mummy, but this was pretty far removed from the reality of it. 

When I walked through the door, Little Miss caught sight of me first and ran up squealing “Mummy, Mummy!!” (all good so far), then grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the art corner where she had some new creations to show me. The Stuntman clocked that I was there at this point, raced over and grabbed my other arm and started pulling me in the opposite direction, also squealing “Mummy, Mummy”, but more upset than excited. He then started trying to climb up my leg, saying “Up, up, boo boo, mine”, while Little Miss was still trying to pull me across the room. 

At this point I overbalanced and toppled onto the ground, almost squashing Little Miss, and pulling the Stuntman down on top of me. Luckily, he’s like a cat and always lands on his feet. Me, not so much; I landed squarely on my arse. Fortunately it’s well padded ;)

The young daycare teacher raced over to see if I was OK, and, much to my humiliation, tears welled up in my eyes. One even ran down my cheek. OMG - why was I crying?? No idea. The poor girl was really worried I’d hurt myself, but I think it was just the shock of falling, and the fact that my emotions have been on such high alert all week. I just couldn’t keep my game face on. That coupled with mega embarrassment just sent me over the edge.

The Stuntman couldn’t have cared less about my predicament, and actually tried to yank down my top while I was prostrate on the floor, in an attempt to help himself to the boobies. While I was trying to haul myself up off the filthy, sticky kindy floor (in black trousers no less), my handbag fell off my shoulder, sending my phone, wallet and multiple lip balms flying across the room. It must’ve been quite a sight for the other mums and dads who were picking up their kiddies.

You can always count on me for some light comic relief.

I eventually managed to sign the kids out, collect both sets of bags, water bottles, hats and artworks without falling over again or dropping anything, and we made it back home in one piece. The kids must’ve sensed I was right on the edge when we got home, as they played beautifully together, ate their dinner without any fuss, and went off to bed like little angels. Small mercies.

I will definitely be leaving the pick-ups to Mr McD from now on!

Any back to school/kindy stories for you this week?

The incredible, death-defying antics of the Amazing Stuntman

Watch him fly through the air with the greatest of ease…

Well, no, more like watch him climb on a chair and fall down on his knees.

My little guy is certainly living up to his nickname this week. At 17 months he has decided gravity is there to be defied and conquered and has started climbing everything. And I mean everything. 

My little Stuntman

Yesterday I had to rescue him from the top of the dining table, the top of the outdoor setting on our deck (where he was standing peering over the balcony railing!), and from the top of an esky. Yep, an esky (that's an ice-box, cool-box, chilly-bin or cooler for those visiting from outside of Oz :) . If it’s even slightly elevated, he’ll try to climb it. This morning I caught him piling up a few of his books and standing on top of them, a look of triumph and satisfaction lighting up his gorgeous face. 

Family Dinners? F*@k that!!

We’re not very good with family dinners in our house. I keep saying that we’ll start doing them regularly, but it rarely works out. The kids need to eat by 5:30-6pm in order to get through the dinner/bath/bedtime routine by 7pm, and Mr McD and I aren’t ready to eat then.

 

A family enjoying a civilised dinner (not mine)

Occasionally we give it a go, generally with disastrous results. Take our Boxing Day dinner for example. We had so much food on Christmas Day that we didn’t end up even putting our turkey in the oven, so I decided to cook it for the four of us on Boxing Day, with all the trimmings – potatoes, sweet potato, parsnips, carrots, peas, gravy and a couple of pigs in kilts on the side. Yum! I thought it would be lovely to have an early dinner with the kids so we could all enjoy it together. (I’m shaking my head in disbelief at my naivety as I write this).

Dumping the pump

I am at a crossroads of sorts. I’m determined to keep breastfeeding the Stuntman until he’s ready to give it up, but I’m also completely fed up with having to express milk for him while I’m at work.

There are few things more miserable than using a breast pump at work, in my experience anyway. I work in a really small organisation, with only eight staff, and we don’t have much office space to speak of. The main work area is open plan, apart from the CEO’s office (which is the size of a small cupboard) and our meeting room (which has a glass wall and door). 

I really should have invested in one of these 'hands-free' contraptions...

A few tips for new mums

Quite a few friends have had babies recently, with a couple more due in the coming months. I get such a kick out of seeing my friends become mums, taking on the new responsibility with a mix of pride and trepidation. And of course I love to snuggle up to the newborns

A delicious newborn (not one of mine)

whenever I can! There’s nothing quite like holding a newborn in your arms; the floppy limbs, the milky smell, the unfocused stare… it makes me tear up just thinking about it. My hormones go a little crazy when new babies are around, and my resolve of being ‘done’ can start to unravel.

Here are a few things I wish I'd known when my kids were first born, and I thought it would be good to share them with my new mummy friends.

Think of the 1st 3 months as the ‘4th trimester’

The idea behind the 4^th trimester is to try and ease your newborn into this big, noisy world gradually and gently. Bubby has spent the last nine months 'inside' being rocked, held tight and listening to your heartbeat, so the outside world must seem terrifying at first. It helps to look at those first three months of bubby’s life as an extension of their time in the womb – keep them close, follow their cues around feeding and sleeping, and don’t expect them to fall into any kind of routine.

‘Wearing’ bubby in a good quality baby carrier like a Manduca or an Ergo can be the only

Manduca baby carrier

way you get anything done during those early months. It’s amazing what you can do with a little person strapped to your front! And just remember, you can't 'spoil' your baby with too much love.

Read up on The Wonder Weeks

I’ve written about The Wonder Weeks on this blog before. They are developmental stages in the first 20 months of a baby’s life when their brains take a massive leap forward and their sleeping, eating and behaviour can turn completely upside down. Understanding when your bubby is due to enter a new ‘leap’ can keep you from having a complete breakdown! 

Knowing when a leap will occur won’t change bubby’s behaviour, but understanding why they are suddenly waking 17 times a night and whingeing all bloody day can keep you from tearing your hair out (and blaming yourself).

If you want to read all the theory behind the Wonder Weeks there’s a book you can buy, otherwise the Wonder Weeks app has all the basic details.

Watch your baby, not the clock

There are a lot of parenting ‘experts’ that advocate strict routines for babies of all ages, with some of them being downright cruel in my opinion. While some babies do thrive on routines, it doesn't work for all of them. My first was a to-the-minute routine baby, you could pretty much set your watch by her, but my little man wasn't interested in doing the same thing more than two days in a row. He still isn't even at 15 months!

I’m a strong believer in learning to read your bubby; learn what their different noises, cries and facial expressions mean, rather than expecting your little one to be hungry at a certain time, or ready for a sleep simply because the routine says its time.

Dunstan Baby Language is an interesting concept; Priscilla Dunstan is an Australian opera singer who claims that all newborns make similar sounding noises to signify specific wants or needs, i.e. when they’re hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. I could never differentiate these noises with my babies, but I know other mums who’ve found DBL really helpful.

Think in Military Time

Bringing a new bubby home from the hospital can be exciting and terrifying all at once. You don’t know what to expect and you can’t imagine what the hospital staff were thinking letting you walk out with this tiny, helpless little thing. You don’t know what your baby wants and you’re not sure how you’ll cope. One thing you can just about guarantee is that you won’t have a full night's sleep for several months (possibly years), and it won’t be long before the sleep deprivation really begins to mess with you.

Military time on iPhone

I remember a few weeks after we brought Little Miss home from the hospital; I was sitting in bed feeding her (again), staring at the bedside clock which said 3:00. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me if it was 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon. No clue. I was in my pyjamas, but I’d been in pyjamas for days so that didn’t really help me. It was dark outside, but it was a wet and gloomy week so that didn’t help either. Mr McD wasn’t in bed, but he had been sleeping on the couch, so I was still none the wiser.  It left me feeling even more disoriented than I already was. So from that moment on I set all the clocks to 24 hour time, so I had some understanding of how each day was progressing. I also stopped thinking in terms of day and night; babies can’t tell the time, and they don’t really care whether it’s 3am or 3pm – if they’re hungry, they’re hungry and that’s all there is to it. But at least I knew when I should be getting out of my pj's.

Breastfeeding and drinking

Having a glass of red wine is something I really enjoy; it helps me to unwind from a day at work and to de-stress after a day with the kids ;) You can still have a drink when you’re breastfeeding, you just need to understand how alcohol goes through to your milk. Alcohol

Mmmm... wine

is present in your breastmilk at the same concentration as in your blood stream, so if you've got a BAC of 0.05 then that's the same in your milk. In the first month, babies are unable to metabolise any alcohol at all, so avoid drinking for at least the first month, and take it easy for the next two months as their little livers are still pretty immature. After that it’s pretty safe to have a drink, you just need to time it right. 

Alcohol takes about 30 minutes to enter your breastmilk, so, while you might get a few funny looks if you’re out at the pub, having a drink while you’re feeding is fine, and will also mean that by the time you’ve finished that feed (and your drink), your milk will be alcohol-free sooner. There are a few calculators available online to work out how quickly alcohol will be out of your system, and you can also buy Milkscreen strips to test whether alcohol is present in your milk. A good guide is to wait two hours for each standard drink, but people metabolise alcohol at different rates depending on their size.

The Kellymom website is a great resource for breastfeeding info, as is the Australian Breastfeeding Association website. 

Think about BLW

Once you get through the hazy newborn days you’ll need to start thinking about how you’re going to introduce solids to your little one. Baby Led Weaning (BLW) just means letting your bubby feed themselves right from the beginning, skipping the purees and mashes and going straight to finger food. I had great success with BLW with Little Miss; she was eating steak by 7 months, despite only having four teeth! My little guy took a bit longer due to his food intolerances, but got the hang of it by around 9 months. BLW is only recommended once a bubby is 6 months old and able to support themselves (i.e. sit up in a high chair).

BLW - fun but messy!!

The main thing parents are concerned with in relation to BLW is choking, but if you follow the guidelines about the appropriate size and shape of finger foods then there’s really nothing to worry about. Babies have a very well developed gag reflex; if they sense something going down their throat that shouldn’t be, their gag reflex kicks in and hurls it back out again.

If you are going to go down the BLW road I highly recommend getting some kind of splat mat to go under bubby's high chair. We eat outside during summer to minimise the mess inside, and often naked (just the kiddies, not me). Food will go everywhere, but that's half the fun :)

There are great videos on YouTube that demonstrate the difference between gagging and choking, just search ‘gagging vs choking’. Check out the BLW website for more info.  

My most important piece of advice to new mummies is to just enjoy your baby. Don't get so caught up in whether you're doing things 'right' that you miss out on the fun stuff. Babies are awesome! They grow up so quickly, so make the most of those precious months when they're completely dependent on you for their every need. Because it won't be long before they start rolling their eyes at everything you say and asking to borrow the car keys.

What do you wish you'd known when your babies were first born?