Dumping the pump

I am at a crossroads of sorts. I’m determined to keep breastfeeding the Stuntman until he’s ready to give it up, but I’m also completely fed up with having to express milk for him while I’m at work.

There are few things more miserable than using a breast pump at work, in my experience anyway. I work in a really small organisation, with only eight staff, and we don’t have much office space to speak of. The main work area is open plan, apart from the CEO’s office (which is the size of a small cupboard) and our meeting room (which has a glass wall and door). 

I really should have invested in one of these 'hands-free' contraptions...

Finding a private place to pump for 15 minutes twice a day is challenging to say the least – sometimes both rooms are occupied so I either have to skip that pump session (which can become quite uncomfortable) or come up with a creative solution. A couple of times I’ve commandeered the kitchen area to pump, erecting a privacy screen using office chairs and some cardboard boxes, and I sometimes have to resort to knocking on the door of the office next to us to see if they have a spare room available. Wherever I sit to express, the entire office can hear the rhythmic drone of my pump, with all of my colleagues pretending that they can’t hear it.

I’ve pumped in the CEO’s office while she was in there with me (awkward much??), and I’ve pumped while on teleconference calls. I’ve pumped in the toilets at conferences, and I’ve pumped in a kitchen storeroom in a training centre.

My breast pump has been my constant companion since I returned to work (part time) when the Stuntman was about 7 months old. At that time it was totally necessary for me to pump regularly; to maintain my supply and also to collect enough milk to feed him while I was gone. In the early days I could easily pump 150-200mls during each pump session, so I’d come home with around 350-400mls for my freezer store. These days, 16 months in, I’m struggling to get 50-70mls per session, and I’m lucky if I come home with 120mls.

So I’ve decided enough is enough and I’m going to stop pumping at work. The Stuntman can just drink oat or almond milk while I’m at work. He’s 16 months old FFS, he doesn’t even really need much milk during the day! I’ll still be there for his wake-up and bedtime feeds, and he can feed whenever he wants on the days I’m home. There’s no good reason for me to continue pumping at work, so why do I feel so guilty about giving it up???

I need to focus on the positive aspects of giving up pumping:

Clothes

Not having to express during my work day will open up a whole new range of wardrobe options for me. I’ll no longer have to be concerned about having ‘boob access’ in all my work tops, and can bypass button-ups and v-necks for a while. I can even wear some of the office dresses I’ve had hanging in my wardrobe for months. 

Less planning

When going to work training sessions or events I won’t have to plan ahead to figure out where I’m going to pump and how I’m going to store my milk.

Fewer boob jokes  

No more office jokes about people accidentally pouring my breast milk into their cup of tea (seriously, not even funny the first time, after 9 months it's just sad). 

Less baggage

I won’t have to carry the effing pump kit around with me, which will lighten my work bag considerably. 

Regain some workplace dignity

My boobs will no longer need to be an item on our team meeting agenda.

So from next week that’s it, no more pumping at work. It has been such a big part of my daily life for the last 9 months that it feels quite momentous to be finishing. Once I get past the guilt I’m sure I’ll be relieved. Freedom!

What's the funniest place you've had to use your breast pump??